Stephen Colbert Mocks 2020 Dems’ Lame Responses to NYTimes Candidate Survey: ‘You’re in America. Just Say Burgers!’


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CBS Late Show host Stephen Colbert skewered the 2020 Democratic primary field for giving a series of lame answers in a candidate survey from the New York Times: “Oh, they are doomed.” Asked about a campaign trail “comfort food,” several Democrats gave groan-inducing responses. Sen. Cory Booker: “When you’re vegan, that means lots of veggies on the go.” Rep. Eric Swalwell: “My favorite coffee is mocha.” Gov. John Hickenlooper: “Mints.” Andrew Yang: “Kind bars.” Former HUD Secretary Julián Castro:  “I don’t have a comfort food. I have a comfort drink, which is iced tea.” “Mints?! Iced tea? Come on!” Colbert said in mock exasperation. “You’re in America! Just say burgers. Or pizza. Or nachos. Or French fries. Or just chugging Alfredo sauce straight from the jar!…Comfort food is what you eat because you ran out of Continue reading "Stephen Colbert Mocks 2020 Dems’ Lame Responses to NYTimes Candidate Survey: ‘You’re in America. Just Say Burgers!’"

Stephen Colbert’s Late Show Exposes Ridiculous Trump Lie About Crowd Size at Re-Election Kick-Off


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Stephen Colbert’s Late Show may just be a late night comedy and entertainment program with real “fake news” staff, but turns out it too can easily fact-check and debunk one of President Donald Trump’s grossly inflated claims about crowd size, this one involving his 2020 re-election kickoff rally on Tuesday night in Orlando, Florida. “In the run-up to this thing, Trump and his folks kept saying that this thing was oversold,” Colbert explained. “Something like 100,000 tickets or 120,000— something like that— for only 25,000 seats in the arena. That’s why they said they had to have that ’45 Fest’ out in the parking lot for the overflow crowd of 75,000 people who couldn’t get in. That is impressive. “That is also a lie,” Colbert added, after a beat. “And I know that’s a lie, because we sent a camera crew down there, with Jim Anchorton and Jill Newslady from Continue reading "Stephen Colbert’s Late Show Exposes Ridiculous Trump Lie About Crowd Size at Re-Election Kick-Off"

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Predicts Warren Will Trounce Sanders in IA, NH, & NV: ‘She’ll Blow Out Bernie Pretty Early On’


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Outside the confines of his own show, MSBNC’s Chris Matthews threw out a bold 2020 political prediction on CBS’s Late Show, telling host Stephen Colbert that Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) “will blow out Bernie pretty early on.” Warren and Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) are seen as the chief rivals for the more progressive, left-wing bloc in the 2020 Democratic primary. Matthews said the demographics of the first three primary states could give Warren a big advantage very quickly. “I think Elizabeth Warren can win Iowa, because she’s very aggressive, very progressive, activists show up. We know how it works. The more moderate people don’t show up. She goes to New Hampshire, home court. Goes to Nevada, a big labor state; she could win three in a row,” Matthews told Colbert. “She’s the one who could start really fast. I think she’ll blow out Bernie pretty early on. Bernie will lose Continue reading "MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Predicts Warren Will Trounce Sanders in IA, NH, & NV: ‘She’ll Blow Out Bernie Pretty Early On’"

Jon Stewart Appears on Colbert to Blast Mitch McConnell on 9/11 Victims Fund: You Keep ‘Jacking Us Around’


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Jon Stewart showed up on The Late Show tonight with his pal Stephen Colbert to tear into Senator Mitch McConnell for his reaction to Stewart calling him out on the 9/11 Victim Compensation Fund. Stewart has been in the news the past week for his vocal advocacy to the fund that directly benefits 9/11 first responders. He publicly shamed Congress during the hearing and made two appearances on Fox News (as Colbert put it, “the only constituents that Republican lawmakers listen to”) to continue making his public appeal. Stewart in particular called out McConnell for never dealing with this issue “compassionately” and only acting after being publicly shamed. McConnell responded Monday morning saying, “We will address it again. I don’t know why he’s bent out of shape.” Colbert handed things over to Stewart, who expressed bewilderment and disgust at the way McConnell reacted. He sarcastically accepted McConnell’s explanation Continue reading "Jon Stewart Appears on Colbert to Blast Mitch McConnell on 9/11 Victims Fund: You Keep ‘Jacking Us Around’"

Dan Abrams Jokes to Colbert ‘Worst Decision’ MSNBC Made Was Replacing Him With Maddow: ‘They Regret It Every Day’


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Mediaite founder and ABC News chief legal analyst Dan Abrams spoke with Stephen Colbert on Friday’s Late Show, and the host opened by asking about Abrams’ previous work at MSNBC. Colbert told Abrams he used to regularly watch The Abrams Report and asked him why he would “ever leave camera” to be the general manager at MSNBC. Abrams acknowledged sometimes it’s “more fun being the on-air person complaining about management than it is being the management being complained about.” He joked that MSNBC made “the worst decision and they still regret it to this day,” that they replaced his 9 pm show in 2008 with Rachel Maddow. “They regret it every day,” Abrams dryly added. You can watch above, via CBS.

Stephen Colbert Mocks Howard Schultz for ‘Suspending’ His DOA Independent Presidential Campaign


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CBS Late Show host Stephen Colbert mocked Starbucks billionaire Howard Schultz for “suspending” a nearly five-month-old independent presidential campaign that had failed to generate any discernible interest among the American public. “He ‘suspended’ it,” Colbert joked, using air quotes. “Just like we ‘suspended’ the family dog to a nice farm upstate where he can ‘run for president,’ too.” Despite an initial media fixation with his campaign, Schultz could only attract small, apathetic crowds and angry hecklers who would attack him for risking the inadvertent re-election of President Donald Trump. Last month, Schultz seemed to hedge on his plan to run, and suggested he would only enter the race if former Vice President Joe Biden didn’t win the Democratic nomination. “He hasn’t officially given up,” Colbert noted of the Schultz campaign’s latest announcement. “Though he did fire most of his campaign staff in a move that an aide called Continue reading "Stephen Colbert Mocks Howard Schultz for ‘Suspending’ His DOA Independent Presidential Campaign"

Colbert Rips Joe Biden’s Name-Dropping Ways: ‘We Get it. You Know Barack Obama’


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The Late Show‘s Stephen Colbert took a jab at Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden on Wednesday for his name-dropping ways. Colbert started off by noting that President Donald Trump and Biden were “were super catty about each other” in recent tweets. He then played a clip of Biden saying this: “Donald Trump, the president of the United States, just spent Saturday night attacking private citizens, using language like ‘Little Donny Deutsch’ and ‘total loser.’ Barack Obama wouldn’t do that. No president would do that. Most teenagers wouldn’t d0 that.” The comedian then noted that was not the only time Biden dropped Obama’s name and, in his estimation, it seemed Biden liked to talk about Obama even more than Trump. As evidence, he played a second clip of Biden talking about how his grandkid knew Sasha Obama. “My granddaughter, who is graduating from high school, and her best friend Continue reading "Colbert Rips Joe Biden’s Name-Dropping Ways: ‘We Get it. You Know Barack Obama’"

Colbert Rips Joe Biden’s Name-Dropping Ways: ‘We Get it. You Know Barack Obama’


This post is by Tamar Auber from Mediaite


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The Late Show‘s Stephen Colbert took a jab at Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden on Wednesday for his name-dropping ways. Colbert started off by noting that President Donald Trump and Biden were “were super catty about each other” in recent tweets. He then played a clip of Biden saying this: “Donald Trump, the president of the United States, just spent Saturday night attacking private citizens, using language like ‘Little Donny Deutsch’ and ‘total loser.’ Barack Obama wouldn’t do that. No president would do that. Most teenagers wouldn’t d0 that.” The comedian then noted that was not the only time Biden dropped Obama’s name and, in his estimation, it seemed Biden liked to talk about Obama even more than Trump. As evidence, he played a second clip of Biden talking about how his grandkid knew Sasha Obama. “My granddaughter, who is graduating from high school, and her best friend Continue reading "Colbert Rips Joe Biden’s Name-Dropping Ways: ‘We Get it. You Know Barack Obama’"

Colbert Cold Open Wonders What Other TV Shows Trump Has Called to Vent Frustrations


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While President Donald Trump called into CNBC on Monday morning, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert wondered about the other shows he has called. The parody cold open showed clips of Trump “calling in” to shows like Watch What Happens Live, Batman and Sesame Street. It even shows Trump calling himself to vent at one point. Trump actually called into CNBC Monday to complain about the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. He also said the Federal Reserve is “very, very destructive to us” for not lowering interest rates, and defended his tariff plan despite mounting criticism. Trump also mused about breaking up tech giants like Google and Facebook during the Monday call-in. “Well I can tell you they discriminate against me,” Trump said about the companies. “You know, people talk about collusion. The real collusion is between the Democrats and these companies. ‘Cause they were so against me during Continue reading "Colbert Cold Open Wonders What Other TV Shows Trump Has Called to Vent Frustrations"

Colbert Cold Open Wonders What Other TV Shows Trump Has Called to Vent Frustrations


This post is by Connor Mannion from Mediaite


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While President Donald Trump called into CNBC on Monday morning, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert wondered about the other shows he has called. The parody cold open showed clips of Trump “calling in” to shows like Watch What Happens Live, Batman and Sesame Street. It even shows Trump calling himself to vent at one point. Trump actually called into CNBC Monday to complain about the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. He also said the Federal Reserve is “very, very destructive to us” for not lowering interest rates, and defended his tariff plan despite mounting criticism. Trump also mused about breaking up tech giants like Google and Facebook during the Monday call-in. “Well I can tell you they discriminate against me,” Trump said about the companies. “You know, people talk about collusion. The real collusion is between the Democrats and these companies. ‘Cause they were so against me during Continue reading "Colbert Cold Open Wonders What Other TV Shows Trump Has Called to Vent Frustrations"

Stephen Colbert Dissects ‘Chat Show Chum Bucket’ Piers Morgan’s Softball Trump Interview


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CBS Late Show host Stephen Colbert mocked “chat show chum bucket and TV’s loudest pile of teeth” Piers Morgan for his supine, Good Morning Britain interview with President Donald Trump, which was chock full of softball questions when it wasn’t outright praising Trump or giving him a gift. Colbert began by showing a clip from the interview, in which Morgan set incredibly low expectations for what constituted a successful meeting between Trump and foreign dignitaries. “You were usually if you don’t mind me saying well behaved, on best behavior, as if the Queen was somebody you warranted to show maximum respect,” Morgan observed. “Its this how far we’ve sunk? We’re complimenting the president on being well behaved like he’s a dog?” Colbert mused over this line of not-really-questioning from Morgan. Then, as if miming praise for a pet, Colbert added: “Who’s a good president? Who’s a good president? Continue reading "Stephen Colbert Dissects ‘Chat Show Chum Bucket’ Piers Morgan’s Softball Trump Interview"

Stephen Colbert Parodies Trump’s Over-The-Top Mexico Tariff Threats: ‘Cinco de Mayo is Going to be Ten-o de Mayo!’


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CBS Late Show host Stephen Colbert parodied the increasingly disjointed rhetoric coming from President Donald Trump about the escalating tariffs he has threatened to impose on Mexico as payback for illegal immigration from that country: “We’re going to jack up everything Mexico: Cinco de Mayo is going to be 10-o de mayo, then 15-o de mayo, 20-o de mayo.” Colbert pointed out that, last week, Trump tweeted that Mexico would be the latest front in his trade war, unless that country stopped “all illegal migrants,” an absurdly impossible demand. “You can’t just slap a tariff on everything you’re mad at,” Colbert noted before lapsing into his Trump impersonation. “I am imposing a 25 percent fee on all pants coming into my closet until such time as they agree to fit me. You can do it. You can do it, pants. Zip!” The consequences of such a protectionist move Continue reading "Stephen Colbert Parodies Trump’s Over-The-Top Mexico Tariff Threats: ‘Cinco de Mayo is Going to be Ten-o de Mayo!’"

CNN’s Jim Sciutto Tells Stephen Colbert Russia Is ‘Dangerous…Sort of Like Your Drunk Friend at the Party’


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CNN national security correspondent Jim Sciutto discussed his new book Shadow War with CBS Late Show host Stephen Colbert, during which he characterized ongoing threats and interference by Russia in the U.S. as “sort of like your drunk friend at the party, right? You know they’re dangerous.” Russia, along with China, are both waging secretive, indirect assaults against our country, Sciutto said. And the  meddling goes far beyond the more commonly known examples, like Russian attempts to help Trump win the 2016 election and widespread theft of U.S. intellectual property by the Chinese. “It’s a war that we’re largely not aware of with two very formidable adversaries,” Sciutto told Colbert. “Sadly, lives have been lost on some of the fronts here and has the potential to threaten more lives. They’re using real weapons under the ocean, on battlefields in Europe and Asia and in space, which is Continue reading "CNN’s Jim Sciutto Tells Stephen Colbert Russia Is ‘Dangerous…Sort of Like Your Drunk Friend at the Party’"

Late Show Hilariously Mocks Kim Jong Un Mocking Joe Biden With Fake Ad for ‘Glorious Slams’ Album ‘DM Zingers’


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The cold open for the Late Show with Stephen Colbert on Thursday spoofed North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un after state run media in the police state aired what can only be characterized as “burns” on former VP and current leading 2020 candidate Joe Biden. As they so often do, the parody began with clips from actual news discussing the issue before moving to the mocking. It was two clips about North Korea’s state media mocking Biden after he criticized Kim Jong Un, and included a quote: “He is a fool of low IQ. He is self-praising himself as being the most popular presidential candidate. This is enough to make a cat laugh.” That weird burn is obviously the genesis of the premise, which is a fake commercial for Kim’s greatest insults. “Righteous citizens, by now you are aware of my glorious slams on Joe Biden,” it begins, with Continue reading "Late Show Hilariously Mocks Kim Jong Un Mocking Joe Biden With Fake Ad for ‘Glorious Slams’ Album ‘DM Zingers’"

Kamala Harris Slams Trump for Holding ‘America’s Infrastructure Hostage’ Over Issue of Congressional Investigations


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Democratic presidential candidate Senator Kamala Harris (D-CA) slammed President Donald Trump during an appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Wednesday night, saying he was trying to “hold America’s infrastructure hostage” over the issue of the investigation. Harris was referring to angry remarks Trump made at the White House earlier on Wednesday after he stormed out of a planned meeting to discuss infrastructure spending with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). During an impromptu press conference in the Rose Garden, Trump expressed indignation about Pelosi’s charge that he was engaging in a “cover-up.” He then threatened to refuse all cooperation on legislative matters with Democrats as long as they continued to look further into his personal finances and the details of the Mueller report. “You’re on the Senate intelligence committee. Are you going to end — are you guys going to end the Continue reading "Kamala Harris Slams Trump for Holding ‘America’s Infrastructure Hostage’ Over Issue of Congressional Investigations"

Colbert Mocks Trump’s Infrastructure Week ‘Hissy Fit’: ‘It’s My Way, Or No Highways’


This post is by Tamar Auber from Mediaite


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Stephen Colbert mocked President Donald Trump for turning his Infrastructure Week Rose Garden appearance into a “hissy fit.” Colbert started off by talking about Trump walking out of a meeting with Democrats — a move Nancy Pelosi called a “temper tantrum” —  and then went out to talk to the press. “Now, Trump walked out the door, straight to the Rose Garden for a nationally televised hissy fit, complete with a podium adorned with a preprinted sign that said, ‘No collusion, no obstruction,'” Colbert said, noting the sign was right over the presidential seal. The comedian then aired a clip of Trump explaining why the infrastructure meeting was so short. “I just wanted to let you know that I walked into the room, and I told Senator Schumer, Speaker Pelosi, ‘I want to do infrastructure. I want to do it more than you want to do it. I’d be Continue reading "Colbert Mocks Trump’s Infrastructure Week ‘Hissy Fit’: ‘It’s My Way, Or No Highways’"

Colbert Offers Up Blistering Apology to ‘Toadies’ of the GOP: ‘I Was Wrong About One of You’


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Stephen Colbert mockingly apologized to the “self-interested toadies” of the GOP Monday night. The apology was inspired by Rep. Justin Amash‘s decision to stand up to President Donald Trump and support the idea of impeachment. Colbert first introduced Amash by noting “a Republican finally read the Mueller report” and stressing he was the first GOPer to say Trump engaged in impeachable conduct. “So with that, I would like to offer the Republican Party this apology,” Colbert then said, looking directly at the camera with faux-sincerity. Speaking directly to the GOP, the comedian snarked: “Now, I know I give the GOP a hard time and often imply that you’re a spineless group of self-interested toadies who would rather see the country destroyed than stand up to an out of control narcissistic toddler.” “I was wrong,” he then quipped, “about one of you.” The audience cheered. Watch above, via Continue reading "Colbert Offers Up Blistering Apology to ‘Toadies’ of the GOP: ‘I Was Wrong About One of You’"

Scott Pelley: ‘Hostile Foreign Governments’ and ‘Self-Dealing Politicians’ are Poisoning Our Information Landscape


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Author and 60 Minutes correspondent Scott Pelley warned Late Show host Stephen Colbert that, in an era awash with news sources of every size and shape, that “the biggest danger to a democracy is poisoning the information.” Promoting his new book Truth Worth Telling, Pelley appeared on CBS’s Late Show and discussed the complex changes going on in modern journalism. “We live in a time where never in human history has more information been available to more people. That’s a great thing,” Pelley said. “But never in human history has more bad information been available to more people. That is a big change in our generation, for the next generation, a big change for America. You have to have solid, reliable information for people to make decisions about their families and their country.” He added: “So much of what we are reading and seeing is a cynical Continue reading "Scott Pelley: ‘Hostile Foreign Governments’ and ‘Self-Dealing Politicians’ are Poisoning Our Information Landscape"

Colbert Brutally Mocks Trump for Starting New 4th of July Tradition: ‘Watching Trump Struggle to Climb Steps’ to Lincoln Memorial


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Late Show host Stephen Colbert brutally mocked President Donald Trump for interjecting himself into the nation’s birthday. As reported this week by the Washington Post, Trump reportedly has plans to take over the annual 4th of July celebration in Washington DC, something he first mentioned on Twitter months ago. The mere mention of the plan to alter a normally non-partisan celebration elicited loud boos from Colbert’s audience. Calling Trump the guy “showing up with the guitar to make it all about him,” Colbert started off panning Trump’s plans by singing Continue reading "Colbert Brutally Mocks Trump for Starting New 4th of July Tradition: ‘Watching Trump Struggle to Climb Steps’ to Lincoln Memorial"

Colbert Nails Kushner for Plan to Focus Immigration on Skills, Not Relatives: ‘Really? You Don’t Want to Rethink That?’


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In his opening monologue on Thursday, Late Show host Stephen Colbert talked Donald Trump‘s new plan to overhaul the legal immigration system, which was in large part put together by son-in-law Jared Kushner. Colbert nailed him with a line from the proposal. “The new plan comes courtesy of professional daughter-husband Jared Kushner,” he said. He went right for the best joke immediately. Reading from articles on the topic, Colbert said Kushner “wants to move immigration toward a merit-based system that would favor people with high-level skills, degrees, and job-offers, instead of relatives.” “Really? Jared Kushner is really calling for an end to giving people special treatment because of their relatives?” said Colbert. “You don’t want to rethink that?” Colbert said the “craziest part” of the plan is that it will “prioritize applicants who demonstrate something called ‘patriotic assimilation,’ meaning it would ‘favor people with an active Continue reading "Colbert Nails Kushner for Plan to Focus Immigration on Skills, Not Relatives: ‘Really? You Don’t Want to Rethink That?’"